The use of words and phrases can make a direct point with limitless possibilities of interpretation and/or definition. A Euphemism is: “the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt.” The New York Times carries a column entitled, Schott’s Vocab – A Miscellany of Modern Words and Phrases. A recent column entry made this appeal: “co-vocabularists are invited to submit descriptions for those of us who, on occasion, harbor delusions of adequacy.” The euphemism is: “Delusions of Adequacy.” This may be the dilemma (or malady) of many politicians and some military personnel. This is not too far removed from the idea of: “visions of grandeur.” Is it any wonder that we sometimes hear that a person is in need of a “reality Check”? The Guidelines for Submitting a Euphemism are: Such terms can include: (1) Traditional euphemisms – Not the sharpest tool in the box. (2) Apposite comparisons – Dumber than a sack of rocks. Or (3) local idiosyncrasies – Somewhere a village is missing its idiot.”
Some of the euphemisms submitted included: (1) “Having him (or her) at work is like having two good people off sick.” (2) “The one with the sign on his head…room for rent.” (3) He is “One taco short of a combination plate.” (4) That person is “One brain cell short of an IQ.” (5) This person is “One slice short of a sandwich.” (6) He has “All the leadership skills of a good follower.” (7) He’s so dense that “He thinks his twin brother was an only-child.” (8) “If his brains were dynamite he couldn’t blow the wax out of his ears.” (9) He “Couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the directions were on the bottom.” (10) “He needs directions to play follow the leader.” (11) She “Forgot the recipe for ice water.” (12) “He’s of two minds. One’s lost and the other’s out looking for it.” (13) “If brains were taxed he’d get a refund.” (14) “Down deep, he’s shallow.” (15) This is like “Eating with one chopstick.” (16) “She needs to act her age, not her shoe size.”
The British seem to be very gifted with the use of Euphemisms, or as some might call them – insults. Some writers in America also display that skill:
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill - - "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
Jesus would use Euphemisms to make a particular point. One illustration of this is Luke 18:24-25, “Jesus looked at him (the rich man) and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Basically, what Jesus is saying is: The rich man had to be willing to put God before his possessions. The man could not gain access to Heaven because of his position or wealth. That was classified as being “impossible”! The Camel could not fit through a small opening either. Jesus makes it clear in Luke 18:26-27 to: “Those who heard this asked, Who then can be saved? Jesus replied, What is impossible with men is possible with God." It was possible then and continues to be possible now! Consider these things with me!
Some of the euphemisms submitted included: (1) “Having him (or her) at work is like having two good people off sick.” (2) “The one with the sign on his head…room for rent.” (3) He is “One taco short of a combination plate.” (4) That person is “One brain cell short of an IQ.” (5) This person is “One slice short of a sandwich.” (6) He has “All the leadership skills of a good follower.” (7) He’s so dense that “He thinks his twin brother was an only-child.” (8) “If his brains were dynamite he couldn’t blow the wax out of his ears.” (9) He “Couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the directions were on the bottom.” (10) “He needs directions to play follow the leader.” (11) She “Forgot the recipe for ice water.” (12) “He’s of two minds. One’s lost and the other’s out looking for it.” (13) “If brains were taxed he’d get a refund.” (14) “Down deep, he’s shallow.” (15) This is like “Eating with one chopstick.” (16) “She needs to act her age, not her shoe size.”
The British seem to be very gifted with the use of Euphemisms, or as some might call them – insults. Some writers in America also display that skill:
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill - - "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
Jesus would use Euphemisms to make a particular point. One illustration of this is Luke 18:24-25, “Jesus looked at him (the rich man) and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Basically, what Jesus is saying is: The rich man had to be willing to put God before his possessions. The man could not gain access to Heaven because of his position or wealth. That was classified as being “impossible”! The Camel could not fit through a small opening either. Jesus makes it clear in Luke 18:26-27 to: “Those who heard this asked, Who then can be saved? Jesus replied, What is impossible with men is possible with God." It was possible then and continues to be possible now! Consider these things with me!
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